I've been sat in front of a computer for 11 hours a day, almost every day, for the last month, so I have no excuse for not posting here in so long.
Things have been intense. First intensely social, then intensely personal, then work-related intensity, and now intensely emotional. I would say that it has been a rollercoaster but it hasn't been. If it were a rollercoaster, then so far all I have experienced is the cranking, jolting, inexorable journey to the top of the first peak.
The car would be almost vertical, and I would be staring straight up at the sky.
From that position I wouldn't know if I'd reached the top, or if I still had a way to go. I wouldn't be able to see the track laid out before me or to assess the pitch of the drop. I would have to use my senses - strain my ears to listen for a change in the clanking of the chains, hold my breath to feel if the weight shifts from my chest to become weightlessness in my stomach.
That's how I feel today. I have that same sense of helpless inevitability - a feeling that I should just hang on and wait to see how I'll feel at the end of the ride.