Life is pretty shit right now. No, make that VERY shit right now.
I'm on such a downward tip that even the slightest upward motion feels immense. I was overjoyed last night when Bex gave me some alpaca fibre and silks, and a set of amethyst runes. Really. Overjoyed. There's so little that is good in my life at the moment that I felt real joy that someone out there cares.
It all started at Yule, and I won't go into details, but so far 2009 has had nothing to offer me except those silks. There's been learning and "life experiences" sure, but none of them comfortable and none of them asked for. There's been no yin to balance the yang, when silk as light as a feather can outweigh lead.
That's the great pity of it. A kind word, spoken from the heart and as light as a feather is enough to make the balance creak and the leaden weight of my soul take flight, but all I get is recriminations. Life shows me a cold, hard mirror.
Why give an inch, it says, when I can take a mile. Come on, I know you have one mile left in you and I want it.
But what is waiting for me at the end of that mile? An inch? A wan smile? It's not enough. So what can I do? I can change. I can change my energy. I can transform myself and take that leaden soul and make it a butterfly.
I hope the crysalis allows space for my heart.
